Another one of these

Ugh, I hate to do this but I can’t resist it.

Unfortunately, in the past few days, life has taken a major spin – making it difficult to take the mindset to so faithfully blog. But alas, I am here, present and ready to throw another one at you – yes, another one – a dare I say it, cliche.

In the past week, I have attended a few interviews for positions that have been okay, others were desired and some not so much. Either way, it is an experience and therefore important to experience and further dissect such matters.

I was noticing as of late that after every interview, I would turn very quickly on myself – almost instantaneously. It was so fast that before leaving the room and leaving the door, this softer side of me was getting ready to run under the bed and hide from the ‘critic’ Ally.   This is something that I’ve been simply used to – very polar, yes, but critic Ally has been running her course until…

Yesterday, I went for a very high profile interview that would have resulted in a very secure position, good pay, all the trims and fittings. Spending the day preparing and going along with the usual ongoings, (I even bought a hair drier to properly dry my hair – I’m a fan of the air dry), I felt strong, positive, confident.  However, this would turn very quickly – very very very quickly.

The interview was not good. It was awkward, uncomfortable, strange, and unsettling. As I left (which was all I could think about), I got to the elevator, with nowhere to run.  Strangely enough, with no one to run to, I was facing myself in the elevator’s mirror.  I walked out not knowing what to do, what to think, dizzy, nauseaus, and emotional, I sat as my feet hurt from the shoes.

I don’t know how to explain it, but something within myself popped out and dragged me home. I didn’t want to walk but this softer side of me somehow got me home and from there I took care of myself. For once, I wasn’t running under the bed and fearing my Critic of accusing me of screwing up an opportunity. Instead, I was siding with me, not the multi-million dollar CEO who didn’t like me.

You are probably reading it wondering just why the heck I am even writing this – but have you ever asked yourself just how many times do you love yourself?  comfort yourself? walk yourself home?  The critic was nowhere in site as we went home and laid on my futon. Slowly I allowed myself to eat something and spent the rest of the night with me and only me.

Be good to yourself is what I am saying. 

 

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